"Good one, Dad"

At work today, the subject of my dad somehow came up. I told one funny story about him and suddenly everyone wanted to hear more....and I wanted to share more.

For those of you who have never met my dad you may assume he is a terrifying, lie detecting, retired Air Force Colonel who would pummel any guy who ever hurt one of his daughters. To us Bray kids, he is a witty, sarcastic brainiac who could deliver a quip so brilliant you'd be telling the story for years.

This one's about my Dad and some of the memorable things he has said or done.

**NOTE**

Please know that my Dad always says his words with love and the understanding that we kids know how to take a joke.

Enjoy.

1) When I was 12 I saw the movie Poltergeist for the first time at a friends slumber party. At this point in my life my biggest fears were talking to boys, algebra, and evil ghosts who could potentially pull you into the their realm. I came home from this party terrified. I sat down in the living room with my parents and shared my frightened reviews of this movie while inquiring how probable it was for a poltergeist to exist in our home. After 20 minutes of my mom soothingly explaining that my suspicions were unnecessary, I went upstairs to my room. About 10 minutes later I heard my dad call my name to come back down to the living room. I walked into the room to find all the pictures and mirrors on the walls upside down. My dad looked at me with fear in his eyes and said,

"KAREN! WHAT DID YOU BRING HOME WITH YOU?"

"DAD! What are you TALKING about!? Did you do this??" I angrily replied.

"Noooooooo! I just left the room for 5 minutes and when I came back all the pictures were upside down! You must have brought a ghost back with you! Stay away from me!!"

I ran to my mom who just stared and shook her head at my dad.

2) Senior year of high school we had the "Flour Baby" project. Students were required to carry around sacks of flour dressed as babies to teach us the difficulties of parenthood. I was blessed with twins. Carrying 2 five and a half pound sacks of flour for 8 hours at school and marching band was hard enough. As soon as I got home I chucked those things on the couch and left them there until the next school day. My dad felt it was his duty to make sure I continued my parental obligations while at home.

"KAAAAAARRRRREN!"

"WHAT?!?" I yelled from my room.

"Get down here and take care of your babies! They are getting into horrible mischief!"

I was not prepared for what I saw next. My boy twin, Dallas, was sitting next to the fireplace holding a balled up newspaper and matches. My girl twin, Bailey, had a bottle of wine in her lap with the wine opener. Dad exasperatedly said I was being a horrible mother and said he was going to call child services. I rolled my eyes and went back to room....with a smile.

**ONE LINERS**

3) In high school I attempted to do some modeling thing for the base BX/PX. When I got home, Dad asked how it went. I jokingly said that the agents told me I was too ugly to ever make it in the modeling industry. Dad looked confused for a few seconds then stated,

"But there are ugly models."

4) A few years ago after Easter Mass, the family was heading to brunch. I had asked my mom if we would be able to get mimosas. Sarah, my sister, inquired about Bloody Mary's. Dad announced it wouldn't be very "churchly" to get drunk right after Easter Mass. Sarah said it would be okay because Jesus turned water into wine. Dad's reply?

"Yeah. But he didn't suddenly turned everything into tequila shots and tell everyone to party!"

5) The family was in Vegas enjoying an unlimited buffet. Dad had wandered off and it was time to go. When we found him he rushed up to me saying he had something really cool to show me. Excitedly, I followed wondering what it could be. He placed me in front of a mirror saying that the most beautiful person in the whole world is in there. I looked forward expecting him to say, "There she is!" What did he say?

"Ugh! You scared him away!"

6) I was visiting home a couple years ago and walked into the kitchen to find my phone. I had noticed I missed quite a few calls. Unknowingly of anyone's presence, I exclaimed, "Holy crap! That's a lotta missed calls!" Dad heard and said "crap" was not an appropriate word. I apologized. He continued,

"And further more, you shouldn't say 'Holy' in front of it either. Now when you get to Saint Peter's gates he's going to say, 'Holy crap! What the hell are you doing here!"

----

My Dad's sense of humor is unique and it's just one of his many admirable traits. His ability to tell a story and engage an audience is a talent many strive to have. After my Maid of Honor speech at my sister's wedding this past Spring, my Aunt (Dad's sister) told me that my story-telling style is just like my Dad's. That is one of the best compliments I have ever received.

I have so many more stories I could tell you and we'd be here all day....and I wouldn't mind. I always look forward to going to my parents house and coming back with another "Dad story." If you're lucky you'll get the opportunity to hear another one someday.

it really is the thought that counts

Every birthday we celebrated in my family my Dad always made us a card. A homemade card. A card built from construction paper and God-given creativity. It always included some joke or referenced that year's current obsession one of us kids had. We always anxiously awaited the birthday card, even when it wasn't our own birthday. The card would be passed around the six of us and we would laugh and congratulate my Dad on another well-done form of artistry and cleverness. At a young age, my Dad taught us Bray's the value of a thoughtful gift.

------

On my 4th birthday.....

...I had a Sesame Street sheet cake and I remember playing with a doll whose hair would grow then magically become short again when you cranked her arm. The doll was not a birthday gift. I was playing with it in my room to keep me occupied while the living room was being decorated before I opened presents. Presents. I couldn't tell you a SINGLE thing that I unwrapped that year. What DO I remember receiving? My oldest sister, Merideth, took a white poster board and covered the whole thing in multicolored star stickers.

Reference:

Merideth proudly pranced into the living room carrying this poster board half her size. It read, "HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY KAREN!!" There was a candy necklace taped to it as well.

It. Was. The. Coolest.

I've been distracted by glistening things my whole life. This moment may have been the starting point. I wish I had the picture with Merideth, me and my favorite gift that birthday. (Mom, if you're reading and you know where it is, scan and e-mail it??) The star-covered poster board is the first gift I can honestly say I remember receiving and being struck with awe.

------

Like most children born in the 80's, I was Barbie obsessed. Multiply the obsession by 3 and you have Barbie Bray Dream House. My sister right above me, Sarah, was the go-to Barbie player. This girl had a multitude of Barbie accents and story ideas. One minute we were cruising in the red convertible on our way to rescue puppies from the animal shelter run by the evil dark-haired Barbie. The next we were beauty contestants demonstrating our talent of jumping really high and doing flips in the air while competing for a date with Ken.

A few days before my 7th birthday, Sarah told me I had to stay up in my room for awhile because she was working on my gift. I could barely sit still. All I knew was that she needed Dad's help and the backyard.

The day of my birthday all I could talk about was opening Sarah's gift. I could care less about any of the other stuff. Just bring me Sarah's present! I tore open the box to find a VHS tape.

Oh. My. Gosh. She made me a MOVIE! Wait. Not just any movie. A homemade BARBIE movie. The voices. The actions. The props. The drama. All created by Sarah. I bragged about it for years.

Whatever. I'm STILL bragging about it. It was awesome.

-------

My younger brother, Clifton, and I never got along as kids. We had our good days and bad. Back then I could never relate to him being the outsider with 3 older sisters. I know it was rough for him. Clifton and I started to become closer when I went off to college. I would call him occasionally for the male perspective when I was having boyfriend issues and we would chat on IM about what "lame" thing Mom and Dad had grounded him for.

For my college graduation, my whole family flew out to Texas Tech. I received lots of gifts that would prepare me for living on my own and my future as an adult. Clifton, however, framed this picture:

In front of the picture he wrote me a note saying how he knew we were not close as kids but that he was so happy our relationship had grown so much in the past couple of years. He said that he was so proud of me and knew that I would go on to accomplish great things.

I bursted into tears right there.

As Clifton has grown, I see so much of my Dad in him. I see my Dad and Mom in all of us Bray kids. They have always taught us to be thoughtful and conscious of others.

I love that I get excited easily. It's who I am. I will cry if you make me card. I will feel loved if you send me a postcard from Portugal. I will feel cared for if you bring me ice cream when I've been in a car accident. I will feel nurtured if you make me tea when I am sick. I will feel appreciated if you say "thank you." I will feel special if you come to my birthday party in the park.

It's that easy and I'm definitely not alone. Here's to all those who made the thought count.