he was the popular boy, i was the girl that watched from afar

My first boyfriend was Brandon. I was ten and in the 5th grade. Brandon had golden blonde hair styled like Zach Morris circa 1990...

...and wore an Atlanta Braves windbreaker. He was the hunk of the school and all the girls wanted a chance to wear that jacket. My chance came in late-September of '94. We were both in Mrs. Miller's class and it was Movie Friday. Brandon and I were sitting next to each other and our classmate, Tiffany was to his right. Tiffany was a straight shooting, know-it-all whose blunt opinions defined her bullying technique. She drew a picture of Brandon and I on top of the Earth holding hands and she said that he and I should "go out." Me, being the epitome of awkwardness, turned bright red and said, "I will if he wants to." Then I used my attractive technique of pushing my glasses up from the tip of my nose by curling my upper lip in an "Elvis" fashion. Since NO ONE ever said "no" to Tiffany, Brandon agreed to be my beau. Back then this included picking me first for kickball teams, waiting for me by the water fountain while I used the lavatory, and letting me wear his Atlanta Braves jacket to let Challenger Elementary know who was his girl.

You all may be thinking, "Wow, Karen. That's a really specific story. You must have a super human strength memory!"

Well, THAT is true but I have another interesting tidbit for you. I found an old diary from my childhood that I am more than willing to share passages from. This is a real treat you guys. Enjoy.

--------------------

Sept. 17, 1994

Dear Diary,

Brandon picked me first in kickball today. I feel bad because I think Taylor likes him. And I don't want her to be mad at me for going out with Brandon. Maybe Taylor can go out with Dale so she can have someone to dance with at the dance tomorrow.

-----------------------

Sept. 19, 1994

Dear Diary,

I told Taylor it would be okay if she danced a song with Brandon. I got to dance with Brandon a lot. We got to dance that one Madonna song I really like. I hope Taylor is not mad at me for going out with Brandon. I will ask her at school.

------------------------

Sept. 21, 1994

Dear Diary,

Stupid Grandma called when Brandon was supposed to call and now I won't know if he called. I'll tell him tomorrow. Katie and I played with the kittens today. We made up a dance to Friend Like Me and are going to record it for Star Search.

------------------------

Sept. 22, 1994

Dear Diary,

Brandon said he didn't call so I guess it was ok that Grandma called. I was wearing Brandon's jacket in the hall and Jenna asked if we were going out. I think Brandon likes Jenna. I hate Jenna she is a snob. I hope Brandon doesn't like her.

-------------------------

Sept. 27, 1994

Dear Diary,

Brandon and I broke up today. He asked if I wanted to break up and I said sure. But that's okay because Jerry asked me out. I don't really like Jerry that much. He said he loves me. I will probably break up with him.

-------------------------

Wow. If dating now was only that easy.

you look....different today.

Guys. Can we please talk about AMC's newest series, The Walking Dead? There are three things that scare me.

1. Tornados

2. Clown dolls

3. A zombie apocalypse

The fast growing fad of zombies is excitedly overwhelming and it's nice to have all these movies/tv shows/comic-books/board games as "How To" guides if things should ever turn from being fictional.

We are only into the second episode of The Walking Dead and I'm already hooked. Having Andrew Lincoln play the heroic police officer, Rick Grimes doesn't hurt either....

There are only 6 episodes of this comic-book adaptation. Catch it while it's hot and fresh! If you are having a "Walking Dead" viewing party I'll certainly attend....I'll bring snacks.

Things I've Learned NOT To Do In The Event Of A Zombie Apocalypse But Seemed Like a Good Idea in 2003

1. Go to the closest Wal-Mart. Sure, the endless supply of food, DVD entertainment and amazing roll back prices sounds enticing but zombies APPARENTLY return to places they used to frequent while alive. Since Wal-Mart is always crowded, even at 2am with parents and their five screams toddlers, it's only a matter of time the place is flooded with flesh cravers.

2. Use a shot gun. Noise attracts zombies. Who knew? Use an ax.

3. Make friends with animal lovers. Ugh, they will find some abandoned dog on the street, name it and give it a say in any of the final decisions for survival. The dog will run away at some point because it was smart enough to sense danger and the animal lover will want to go after it resulting in your group being left behind when the rescue helicopter comes.

4. Don't fall in love with the jerk. I know they seem romantically dangerous and the rebel is always the most attractive in almost any kind of situation but he will risk your life over his and you'll regret having slept with him. Don't be an actual Slutty Zombie Apocalypse Victim. Save it for Halloween.

5. Live in New York City. Like any major city there are pros and cons. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, living in the tri-state area would be a major con. Massive population = massive zombies. I would be super sad to see my bodega guy turn into a zombie. But I know not to get sentimental. Zombie bodega guy would not give me a free coffee. He'd give me a free bite to the brain.

Well, that's all I have to share today kiddos. OH! Except that Conan premieres tonight! Finally, a natural order has been restored.

Here is a Cranberries megahit....

i can name that intro in....3 notes

Today I babysat two of my most favorite people in the world. Emma (11) and Carla (7). I could hang with these girls all day. They are raised in your typical Upper East Side high-rise apartment and attend an all girls private school. However, they do not possess a single quality of your typical child raised in these conditions. For Halloween Emma is going to be a goth-fairy and Carla is dressing as a nerd. I hope their parents know how awesome they are.

I know I shouldn't pick favorites....but Carla is hilarious. Things Carla said to me today:

1. "You knowwwww....after you're born.....when your vocal cord gets cut?"

Me: "You mean....umbilical cord?"

Carla: "Yeah! Thats it!"

2. "What's a vampires favorite cereal?"........"BLOOD CEREAL"

3. "I wish this sandwich didn't have the cheese in it. I really enjoy the TASTE of things."

4. "Am I driving you crazy?"

Me: "Yes."

Carla: (runs over and hugs me) "I promise I won't ask for anything else."

5. "I don't like peanut butter!"

Me: "Well, then we can't be friends anymore."

Carla: "BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE PEANUT BUTTER?!?!"

6. (Getting out of a crowded elevator) "And you all have a nice day today!"

She should have her own reality show.

Emma and I watched the season finale of Project Runway. Her knowledge of good fashion is refreshing and we were able to carry on lengthy conversations regarding the judges final decisions.

After leaving their apartment I was feeling nostalgic. So, now I share with you some intros to awesome TV shows from when I was a kid.

trip down Halloween lane

I'm babysitting tonight. In a hotel room. With no internet. And the parents aren't coming home for…..::checks clock::….ANOTHER 4 AND A HALF HOURS!?! Ohhh geezzzz, sing out Louiseeeee!!! I'm afraid that if I turn on the television the kiddos will awake from their slumber and want to watch. Which would typically be okay with me, however, as most of us know, 2-year-olds win all arguments and it would be a couple hours of Yo, Gabba Gabba. Never seen/heard of it? Here's a treat for ya….

....okay, I admit, it's catchy...

I went to Target today to buy items for my Halloween costume. I'm being "Twitter" this year. As in, the website, www.Twitter.com. I know….ADORABLE! I'll post pictures after Halloween festivities so you can see how it was done.

As I was purchasing Twitter-like products, I got to thinking….I have never purchased an actual Halloween packaged costume. Ever since I can remember all my costumes were homemade. Mom made our costumes until we were about 12 or 13. Then she said we were too old to trick-or-treat and she didn't want us to be "those kids" that act like hoodlums and run a muck around the neighborhood.

Throughout my childhood years I made the sewing easy on my mom and was either a cheerleader or 50's girl with a poodle skirt. I loved that poodle skirt. One year I got really creative and went as "Secretary Butterfly." Apparently I was very familiar with the woman's status in the insect workplace….

I became a little more inventive in college. Freshman year I had bright red hair, so I decided to go as "Daphne" from Scooby Doo. NOW, keep in mind, the manufactured "Daphne" Halloween costume had not been created yet. I made this one up all by myself. I even had a stuffed Scooby Doo doll with me for the night.

The next year I suggested to my boyfriend at the time we dress as 80's aerobics instructors. Yes. I made an 80's mix tape to put in my walkman and led the party with a routined jazzercise workout.

Another year I was a roller disco girl. At the time it seemed like a good idea but hopping in and out of bars in roller-skates is a whole lot harder than it looks. I don't know how I managed to not break an arm.

The 60's flower child is my go-to. When I have waited until the last minute to find a costume and it is 30 minutes until my friends are meeting up for Halloween festivities, I reach into my closet and pull out my vintage 60's dress. This treasure has saved me on many occasions. I then use some makeup to color a flower around my eye…throw some daises in my hair and call it a night.

Picture guide: (1) 2005 pictured with Napoleon and Pedro. (2) 2007 pictured with Bernie (3) 2008 pictured with Sarah

Last year I was a penguin. I painted my nose orange with what I thought was washable face paint. I learned the hard way that it's not a good idea to fall asleep without washing your face. If you don't you'll end up with an orange nose for 3 days.

Okay, kids, you all have a super duper Halloween. Play safe. Party hard. Be creative.

"Back off man, I'm a scientist"

I'm not feeling so stellar today. The landlord turned the heat on in my apartment a few days ago. You ask, "Karen, how is this relevant to your current state of health?" Well, the knob to the radiator is broken and that prohibits me from turning the heat down or more importantly, OFF. This creates extremely dry conditions in my bedroom resulting in cold-like symptoms and an unhappy tenant. I like to blame others for bad things that happen to me so I am sending bad vibes to my landlord for being such an idiot and neglecting to make sure my life runs smoothly.

On a positive note, I'm getting "Home Work" completed (tweaking website, updating resumes, watching You Tube, thinking of cleaning the kitchen).

Speaking of the kitchen, I was JUST in there cooking up some mediocre lunch on the stove and came back in here to check my Facebook because it had been over 10 minutes since I looked at it last. APPARENTLY, I left a Dollar Store Tupperware-like container a little too close to the burner and check what happened...

Yeah....I know.....oops. It's been that kind of week. At Dunkin' Donuts the other day I was getting a coffee and donut with the least amount of calories so as to maintain my dignity. As the guy behind the counter handed me my goodies he said, "Thank you, Sir." Nice. Very nice. I already feel like a complete lard for just stepping in here but now YOU go for the double whammy and insult my face. That was a really good donut though. I'll still come back to the double D for more.

Let's address what you're thinking.... Yes, that is The Shining playing in the background of my "Cooking Fail" picture. Another plus to "staying home sick." Did you know the baseball bat scene with Shelley and Jack took 127 takes? It's a world record for most retakes of a single scene with dialogue. Just a little trivia for you. You never know when you might be on Jeopardy.

I hope you watched the Scream Awards. Let's talk about Bill Murray. SPOILER ALERT!! If you haven't seen it and want to watch it...just don't watch the clip.

I have such a crush on him. If he asked me out I would totally go. Seriously.

Things I Like To Imagine Bill Murray Would Say To Me If We Met

1) Your controlled eye twitch is the funniest thing since Space Jam

2) The Marshmallow man was made of real marshmallows

3) I like that you chose to eat at this cheeseburger joint

4) Jurassic Park is my favorite soundtrack, too

5) Let's pick "I'm A Little Bit Country" as our next karaoke duet

6) I put little containers of Ecto-Plazm in my birthday party goodie bags

7) Your NYC Tourist video is in my "Bookmarks"

8) I'm honored you want to name your first born "Tripper Harrison"

9) I can fix your radiator with my bare hands

10) I'm sorry Scrooged scared the hell out of you as a kid, but glad you watch it once a month now.

Alright, that's all I've got. I leave you with a picture of "Snookie." The kitten I played with while I was babysitting last night. Feel free to set it as your background. You're welcome.

"Good one, Dad"

At work today, the subject of my dad somehow came up. I told one funny story about him and suddenly everyone wanted to hear more....and I wanted to share more.

For those of you who have never met my dad you may assume he is a terrifying, lie detecting, retired Air Force Colonel who would pummel any guy who ever hurt one of his daughters. To us Bray kids, he is a witty, sarcastic brainiac who could deliver a quip so brilliant you'd be telling the story for years.

This one's about my Dad and some of the memorable things he has said or done.

**NOTE**

Please know that my Dad always says his words with love and the understanding that we kids know how to take a joke.

Enjoy.

1) When I was 12 I saw the movie Poltergeist for the first time at a friends slumber party. At this point in my life my biggest fears were talking to boys, algebra, and evil ghosts who could potentially pull you into the their realm. I came home from this party terrified. I sat down in the living room with my parents and shared my frightened reviews of this movie while inquiring how probable it was for a poltergeist to exist in our home. After 20 minutes of my mom soothingly explaining that my suspicions were unnecessary, I went upstairs to my room. About 10 minutes later I heard my dad call my name to come back down to the living room. I walked into the room to find all the pictures and mirrors on the walls upside down. My dad looked at me with fear in his eyes and said,

"KAREN! WHAT DID YOU BRING HOME WITH YOU?"

"DAD! What are you TALKING about!? Did you do this??" I angrily replied.

"Noooooooo! I just left the room for 5 minutes and when I came back all the pictures were upside down! You must have brought a ghost back with you! Stay away from me!!"

I ran to my mom who just stared and shook her head at my dad.

2) Senior year of high school we had the "Flour Baby" project. Students were required to carry around sacks of flour dressed as babies to teach us the difficulties of parenthood. I was blessed with twins. Carrying 2 five and a half pound sacks of flour for 8 hours at school and marching band was hard enough. As soon as I got home I chucked those things on the couch and left them there until the next school day. My dad felt it was his duty to make sure I continued my parental obligations while at home.

"KAAAAAARRRRREN!"

"WHAT?!?" I yelled from my room.

"Get down here and take care of your babies! They are getting into horrible mischief!"

I was not prepared for what I saw next. My boy twin, Dallas, was sitting next to the fireplace holding a balled up newspaper and matches. My girl twin, Bailey, had a bottle of wine in her lap with the wine opener. Dad exasperatedly said I was being a horrible mother and said he was going to call child services. I rolled my eyes and went back to room....with a smile.

**ONE LINERS**

3) In high school I attempted to do some modeling thing for the base BX/PX. When I got home, Dad asked how it went. I jokingly said that the agents told me I was too ugly to ever make it in the modeling industry. Dad looked confused for a few seconds then stated,

"But there are ugly models."

4) A few years ago after Easter Mass, the family was heading to brunch. I had asked my mom if we would be able to get mimosas. Sarah, my sister, inquired about Bloody Mary's. Dad announced it wouldn't be very "churchly" to get drunk right after Easter Mass. Sarah said it would be okay because Jesus turned water into wine. Dad's reply?

"Yeah. But he didn't suddenly turned everything into tequila shots and tell everyone to party!"

5) The family was in Vegas enjoying an unlimited buffet. Dad had wandered off and it was time to go. When we found him he rushed up to me saying he had something really cool to show me. Excitedly, I followed wondering what it could be. He placed me in front of a mirror saying that the most beautiful person in the whole world is in there. I looked forward expecting him to say, "There she is!" What did he say?

"Ugh! You scared him away!"

6) I was visiting home a couple years ago and walked into the kitchen to find my phone. I had noticed I missed quite a few calls. Unknowingly of anyone's presence, I exclaimed, "Holy crap! That's a lotta missed calls!" Dad heard and said "crap" was not an appropriate word. I apologized. He continued,

"And further more, you shouldn't say 'Holy' in front of it either. Now when you get to Saint Peter's gates he's going to say, 'Holy crap! What the hell are you doing here!"

----

My Dad's sense of humor is unique and it's just one of his many admirable traits. His ability to tell a story and engage an audience is a talent many strive to have. After my Maid of Honor speech at my sister's wedding this past Spring, my Aunt (Dad's sister) told me that my story-telling style is just like my Dad's. That is one of the best compliments I have ever received.

I have so many more stories I could tell you and we'd be here all day....and I wouldn't mind. I always look forward to going to my parents house and coming back with another "Dad story." If you're lucky you'll get the opportunity to hear another one someday.

it really is the thought that counts

Every birthday we celebrated in my family my Dad always made us a card. A homemade card. A card built from construction paper and God-given creativity. It always included some joke or referenced that year's current obsession one of us kids had. We always anxiously awaited the birthday card, even when it wasn't our own birthday. The card would be passed around the six of us and we would laugh and congratulate my Dad on another well-done form of artistry and cleverness. At a young age, my Dad taught us Bray's the value of a thoughtful gift.

------

On my 4th birthday.....

...I had a Sesame Street sheet cake and I remember playing with a doll whose hair would grow then magically become short again when you cranked her arm. The doll was not a birthday gift. I was playing with it in my room to keep me occupied while the living room was being decorated before I opened presents. Presents. I couldn't tell you a SINGLE thing that I unwrapped that year. What DO I remember receiving? My oldest sister, Merideth, took a white poster board and covered the whole thing in multicolored star stickers.

Reference:

Merideth proudly pranced into the living room carrying this poster board half her size. It read, "HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY KAREN!!" There was a candy necklace taped to it as well.

It. Was. The. Coolest.

I've been distracted by glistening things my whole life. This moment may have been the starting point. I wish I had the picture with Merideth, me and my favorite gift that birthday. (Mom, if you're reading and you know where it is, scan and e-mail it??) The star-covered poster board is the first gift I can honestly say I remember receiving and being struck with awe.

------

Like most children born in the 80's, I was Barbie obsessed. Multiply the obsession by 3 and you have Barbie Bray Dream House. My sister right above me, Sarah, was the go-to Barbie player. This girl had a multitude of Barbie accents and story ideas. One minute we were cruising in the red convertible on our way to rescue puppies from the animal shelter run by the evil dark-haired Barbie. The next we were beauty contestants demonstrating our talent of jumping really high and doing flips in the air while competing for a date with Ken.

A few days before my 7th birthday, Sarah told me I had to stay up in my room for awhile because she was working on my gift. I could barely sit still. All I knew was that she needed Dad's help and the backyard.

The day of my birthday all I could talk about was opening Sarah's gift. I could care less about any of the other stuff. Just bring me Sarah's present! I tore open the box to find a VHS tape.

Oh. My. Gosh. She made me a MOVIE! Wait. Not just any movie. A homemade BARBIE movie. The voices. The actions. The props. The drama. All created by Sarah. I bragged about it for years.

Whatever. I'm STILL bragging about it. It was awesome.

-------

My younger brother, Clifton, and I never got along as kids. We had our good days and bad. Back then I could never relate to him being the outsider with 3 older sisters. I know it was rough for him. Clifton and I started to become closer when I went off to college. I would call him occasionally for the male perspective when I was having boyfriend issues and we would chat on IM about what "lame" thing Mom and Dad had grounded him for.

For my college graduation, my whole family flew out to Texas Tech. I received lots of gifts that would prepare me for living on my own and my future as an adult. Clifton, however, framed this picture:

In front of the picture he wrote me a note saying how he knew we were not close as kids but that he was so happy our relationship had grown so much in the past couple of years. He said that he was so proud of me and knew that I would go on to accomplish great things.

I bursted into tears right there.

As Clifton has grown, I see so much of my Dad in him. I see my Dad and Mom in all of us Bray kids. They have always taught us to be thoughtful and conscious of others.

I love that I get excited easily. It's who I am. I will cry if you make me card. I will feel loved if you send me a postcard from Portugal. I will feel cared for if you bring me ice cream when I've been in a car accident. I will feel nurtured if you make me tea when I am sick. I will feel appreciated if you say "thank you." I will feel special if you come to my birthday party in the park.

It's that easy and I'm definitely not alone. Here's to all those who made the thought count.