loves of my life....well, for this week anyway

You could say I had an amusing array of celebrity crushes growing up. It didn't take much for me to develop a new weekly fantasy. Waiting for the bus, doing math homework or during the homily at church, I imagined one of these boy wonders coming to my school for a pep rally or other festive event, sitting with me at lunch and then taking me under the bleachers where he would remove my glasses and say how much he liked my color choice of braces rubber bands.

My first crush was Rider Strong AKA Shawn Hunter from Boy Meets World. Every Friday I would tune into the family friendly TGIF line-up and hate any female actor that portrayed his girlfriend, not understanding the concept of an "on-screen romance."

He was the bad boy and I was the good girl. We were an incredible match. I used to worry about our 5 year age difference and that he would never go out with a third grader. My sister, Merideth, had a poster of him in our room from YM magazine that I used to blush at whenever I was changing my clothes.

He came out of hiding in 2002, starring in the gruesome flick, Cabin Fever. Then my crush fizzled. Along with any desire to ever go camping.

Next up is Joseph Gordon-Levitt during his 3rd Rock From The Sun days. Granted, when your co-stars are French Stewart and John Lithgow you are definitely keeping the young female fan base all to yourself.

Before he was a Hollywood hunk, starring in Inception and 500 Days of Summer he was "Tommy Solomon" the wildly intelligent alien with the sex appeal of an orange. What did that matter to me? We all know I find smart guys sexy. It was his characters clever wit and....well, let's be honest, hair flip that won me over.

Yet another example of my where my attraction to a high IQ stems. In 1998, Deep Impact swept across the nation. While most girls my age were fawning over Ben Affleck in Armageddon, I fell hard for Elijah Wood as "Leo Biederman", the young teenager who discovered the destructive comet, married his girlfriend so she and her family could be saved and THEN went back for her minutes before impact, risking his own life. My heart couldn't handle it.

Deep Impacts slogan was "Heaven and Earth are about to collide." And it certainly felt that way with 11-year-old Karen toward Elijah.

Now I know I am not alone when I say that Disney knows how to draw their men. Captain Li Shang from Mulan was no exception. However, it was not the physique of this cartooned warrior that pierced my heart with love, but his singing voice.

I would listen to "I'll Make A Man Out Of You" on repeat before I went to bed. I just HAD to know whose voice I was falling asleep to every night! After some internet research, I discovered Donny Osmond provided his flawless vocals for the film. Thus switching my crush from Shang to Donny......

I was a little late jumping on the Donny train. I was also not a product of the 70's, leaving me the only Freshman who listened to Donny and Marie but was closest with my mother. I religiously listened to the "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolored Dreamcoat" CD (movie version) which I also used to get me through long road trips.

Even though he was married with several children, I still had high hopes of meeting him one day, singing "Joseph..." together and stealing a kiss. And if I wasn't going to get Donny, then I was going to hold out for a guy just as nice as him. Which is probably why I never had a date in high school.

As I became older, I realized we would never work as a couple for several reasons. However, whenever I happen to catch a TV special featuring him, I get butterflies all over again.

Naturally, I was royally boy crazy and had many other celebrity crushes growing up. Some lasted a few days, others years. However, I can only claim one celebrity has kept my interest since I was a teenager and that forever will be, Bill Murray.

contacting the dead and other fun games

Ouija Board. I think we all can remember our first terrifying experiences with this Parker Brothers goldmine.

I was 8. My friend Andrea and I were playing our usual games of dress-up, feeding her goldfish and choreographing rollerskating dances to Ace of Base songs. Then, Robin showed up. Robin was your "know-it-all gutsy girl." I did not like her for the fact that she always called me a "sissy" when I didn't want to climb a tree or play football. It made me even more mad that Andrea liked her.

"Hey, guys, look what I've got." Robin proudly displayed her new game in front of her.

Any game I can't pronounce is not a game I feel like playing. Move on, Robin.

"Ooooooh! You got an Ouija Board?" Andrea's big mouth flapped.

"Yeah! Let's go in and play!"

So, we followed Andrea into her house and set the game up on her coffee table. Andrea's little sister joined us as well. Both Robin and Andrea excitedly explained the game to me and said they would go first to demonstrate the awesome supernatural effects. The girls placed their fingertips on the sides of the indicator and began asking questions.

"Okay, does Andrea like Ben?"

Indicator points to "YES."

"Ahhhhh!!! Oh my gosh you TOTALLY like Ben!! HAHAHAHA!!"

About four more questions were asked in this fashion when Robin said it was my turn. I took Andrea's spot and Robin proceeded with, "Okay, we are going to try to contact my dead Great-great Grandmother. Her name is Beatrice. I want to find out how she died. We have to concentrate really hard."

Whoa!? Wait, what? Now I'm scared. The last thing I wanted was to provide Robin with any more ammo of how chicken I was, so I pushed forward.

"Dear Great-great Grandmother Beatrice. Are you there?"

Indicator points to "YES."

"Can you tell us how you died?"

Indicator points to "YES."

"How did you die?"

Indicator points to "M. U. R. D. E. R."

"Guys, I don't want to play anymore."

"Come onnnnnn, Karen! Give me a break. We are finally making a connection." Robin continues.

"Who murdered you, Great-great Grandmother Beatrice."

The indicator moves around in circles.

"Is it someone in THIS room?"

The indicator point to "K. A. R. E. N."

"OKAY! I'M DONE!" I waved my hands in the air. "Look, I have never murdered anyone before. NEVER! I wasn't even alive when your great-great grandmother died!"

"I'm pretty sure she died last year...soooo you would have been alive." Robin always had a comeback.

'Well, I didn't murder anyone!" I ran home.

My mom had dinner for me waiting on the table. She sat next to me and asked about my day. I told her how upset I was because of the Ouija Board and I was being accused of murdering Robin's relative. My mom told me that we were going back over to Andrea's house after dinner and she would force the girls to tell me it was just a game.

I really, REALLY did not want to go through with that due to the inevitable humiliation and teasing that would take place at school the next day. However, I was curious if this was just a joke or if I had unconsciously killed Robin's dear grandmother the previous year.

Mom and I knocked on Andrea's door and both girls answered.

"Hi girls. So, Karen tells me you were playing with the Ouija Board and someone said she murdered a grandmother? Karen is really scared and it would be nice if you told her it was just a game and you made it all up."

Andrea and Robin looked at one another. Startled that a mom had to come over and reprimand them, they cowardly said, "Yeahhhhh, Karen, it's just a game. We made it up."

You would think that would have been enough for me. You would think I wouldn't have been such a gullible child. You thought wrong. I had bad dreams for a week about ghosts and angry grandmothers. To this day Ouija Boards still make me uncomfortable. Even though the new design makes it less authentic looking, the purpose is one I am not going to mess with. However, if YOU are one that enjoys the evil crafts that exude from playing this nightmare producing game then here is a friendly link to ask a cyber Ouija Board all your deepest, darkest questions! Have fun!

confessions of a wannabe bad girl

The first time I ever REALLY lied to my parents was my senior year of high school. Keep in mind, I was a good kid. Good grades. Good friends. Good morals. But, oh, was a rebel on THIS particular day! My friends/accomplices, Taylor, Marie and Elise wanted to go to Seaside Heights immediately following school and stay for the night.

Seaside Heights. Treasure of the Jersey Shore. Where teenagers go to escape the everyday tortures of adolescence by partaking in trashy forms of debauchery. Which, naturally, is why MTV held their annual "Spring Break" extravaganza at this very location that year. At the time, I had a wild crush on Gideon Yago, who was an MTV News Corespondent and I had high hopes for meeting him, falling in love and getting married (it didn't happen.....in case you were wondering).

Knowing my parents would never allow me to attend a location with such a corruptive reputation, we had the original idea of telling my mom I was staying the night at Taylor's. I would pack my bag and take it to school that day. Told mom I wouldn't be getting back home until late the next day because we might see a movie at the local cinema.

It. Was. Foolproof.

The girls and I left for the horizon once the last period bell rang. I made an 80's compilation CD for our ride down, as we all enjoyed the classics of our time. I believe "Mr. Roboto" was playing as we pulled into our motel parking lot. The motel "contract" stated only two people were allowed to check in the room. Did we care? Nope. We had four....FOUR girls. Taylor and I lied at check-in to say it would only be the two of us. Felt like a true rebel, I did.

After checking into our room we decided to check out the boardwalk scene. Unfortunately, the weather was not on our side this particular weekend and we dodged the raging wind and rain by exploring the variety of arcades on the pier. Immediately, we were confronted by a local Christian television station who persuaded us to answer particular questions about our faith. Being a Catholic youth group leader, I decided to take the reigns. I figured that if I indulged them my karma would be redeemed from when I lied to Mom earlier.

That evening we ruled the boardwalk. Specifically, because no one was there due to treacherous storms that were impending over our weekend getaway. We decided to call it a night around 9pm when we were greeted by a police officer outside our room. Immediately, we panicked because we thought we had been figured out that we had more than two occupants in our room. So, we hid the other culprits under the bed. As wristband holders, Taylor and I answered the door.

::knock, knock::

"Ummm....hello....Officer?" Taylor confidently said.

"Hi, girls. Would you mind stepping out for just a bit?"

"Sure?" We both replied, hearts racing.

"So....you girls having a fun time? Enjoying your stay at Seaside Heights?" the young officer inquired.

"Yeahhhhhhh....."

"You....staying out of trouble?"

"Yeahhhhhhh......"

"That's good. We don't really like trouble."

"Yeahhhhhhh......"

"You seem like good kids. I'll let you go back inside. We just are checking the rooms. Making sure you aren't drinking or smoking the mary-ja-wana."

"Yeahhhhhhh......not us."

Taylor and I walked back inside not sure how to interpret the conversation. Did we look like the type to indulge in alcohol and drugs? Was he hitting on us/looking for some pot? Regardless, we breathed a contaminous breath of whatever that wallpaper was made of and proceeded with our games of M.A.S.H. and astrological readings.

The next day we did what your typical "rebellious" good girls do. We got henna tattoos that we weren't sure the meaning of. We took old Western photos exposing us holding booze and revolvers. We ate a pizza that was 24 inches in diameter. We may have even talked to a boy or two.

That was the best weekend I had ever had up to that point in my life and an amazing end to my senior year. I'm still not sure if my mom knows where I was that weekend. All I know was that it was a story I could take with me as a college freshman. It would eventually lead me to other forms of "rebellion" such as going out on a Wednesday night to the one club that would allow 18-year-olds or skipping class to play SIMS. You betcha, I was one girl you did not want to get mixed up with.

i've got sass and i've got class

When I was 7 I had a friend named Sheavon. She was an only child and lived next door. Sheavon had all the latest designer toys, a plentiful stash of Bubble Yum and when the remake of Homeward Bound came out her parents bought her a kitten and named it "Sassy." She was popular amongst the 10-year-old boys and started the fashion trend of wearing Chicago Bulls jerseys with jeans.

Yes, we ALL had a friend like Sheavon growing up. While the specific details of our friend "Sheavon" vary, they all had one particular trait in common. Sheavon was a total bitch.

Sheavon was the one who decided what and where we would play. If you presented an idea she found at all boring she would roll her eyes, cross her arms and walk away. She once said that my wardrobe was that of a kindergarteners and my glasses made me look like a total dork. While these statements were accurate -

(Case in point)

- it is not proper etiquette to deliver them so crassly. So, you may ask, "Karen, why did you continue to stay friends with Sheavon after she repeatedly made fun of the lovely clothing options your mother chose for you and winning ideas for Star Search material?" The same reason we ALL stayed friends with "Sheavon."

Her material possessions.

Stop judging. You know you did it too. You're telling me that you didn't INSTANTLY befriend the mouth breathing, spike haired boy who wore shirts that read, "Your fly is open" and overused the word, "DOI!" in lunchroom conversations when he was the first one on the block to get a Super Nintendo. Told you.

Let's fast forward a bit to my 8th birthday. It had a "Ladies Who Lunch" type of theme. My dad and brother dressed in their finest suits and served After Eight thin mints to us "ladies" who were draped in our mother's Sunday best from the 80's. It was some classy fun. The friends I had invited to my soiree were very vocal with their opinions of Sheavon. If Sheavon came, they would not. I had to make a rather difficult decision as a newly turned 8-year-old and chose to not invite Sheavon as to please my less supercilious friends. My mom warned me that it was highly possible for Sheavon to find out about this party, her being the next door neighbor, and that if a problem arose I would have to solve it on my own. I quickly shoed Mom away and said there would be no problem.

Here is a photograph from the day. Sheavons house is in the background.

About 5 minutes after this picture was taken, Sheavon and her mom came out of the house and began walking across the street. I immediately began freaking out and ran inside to tell my mom the news. There was no disguising the birthday party that was obviously taking over the Bray household. Balloons and banners celebrating my birth littered the front lawn and porch.

I stood in front of my mom, pleading her to take care of this situation. She shook her head "no" and said I had to take care of it myself. Giving in to my cowardly tendencies, I stayed inside to watch my best friend, Katie, tell Sheavon that I thought she was out of town and it was a simple mistake. Katie was an amazing friend and always had my back. I owed her big for this one. After a few minutes of convincing, Sheavon and her mom went back home and the party commenced.

The next day, Mom made me go over to Sheavons to apologize for not inviting her. I hated every minute of it. I stuck with the original lie that I thought she was out of town. She could never know the truth that I maliciously took her off the guest list. She had a new vanity I wanted to play with.

If there was one thing I learned from that day it was the ability to lie directly to someone's face. A talent that has certainly proved it's value multiple times within my career choice. My 8th birthday party was nothing short of a precursor for what trials I would be faced with in adulthood.

i cannot be held accountable for what i say at night

Listen to this 80's throwback to make your experience more enjoyable:

I was 8-years-old when my parents realized I talked in my sleep. Merideth and I shared a room at the time and Mom was tucking Mer in for bed. I was already asleep. Tomorrow was the first day of 3rd grade and apparently I was stressed. I have no recollection of this event but my mom tells me I started rambling about being nervous and having to go to the school cafeteria if it rains but I didn't know where the school cafeteria was located. I discussed my concerns with both Mom and Mer for about 10 minutes. The next morning, Mom asked if I was still worried about finding the cafeteria and I had no idea what she was talking about.

I had frequent episodes of somniloquy growing up and it was a common complaint amongst my siblings when we had to share a room. Occasionally, they would find it amusing when they would attempt to get me to confess who my boy crushes were or other secrets they were curious about. Then make fun of me the next day. Once my older sisters left the house and I had my own room there was no longer any evidence of my syndrome.

Until I went off to college.

Thank goodness I had an amazing roommate freshman year. I had prepped her on the slight chance I might talk in my sleep if there was activity going on in the room after I had fallen asleep. She thought it was awesome and couldn't wait for the opportunity to experience this firsthand.

- This particular episode is from her perspective. I don't remember a single thing.

One night I had been asleep for maybe an hour and she was still doing laundry so we kept on one of the dimmer lights. She opened the door, walked into the room and I immediately sat up. Apparently, "Scaring the shit out of her."

"BEA! Turn off the lights our contacts glow in the dark!" I said staring right at her and pointing rapidly to the side of my head.

"Whaaaaaat?" Bea replied hesitantly.

"Trust me! Turn OFF the lights and our contacts are going to GLOW!"

"Karen, I don't think they will do that."

"Bea, will you listen to me. It will be so cool. Just TURN OFF THE LIGHTS!" (I can only imagine how freaked out she must have been)

"Karrrrreeennnn.....I think you're talking in your sleep."

Bea recalls the next moment as the most amazing: I stopped talking. Looked to the left. Looked to the right. Looked at her confused. Then laid down and went back to sleep.

I am unable to recall anything from this night. It just reminds me what a freak-a-zoid I can be. Luckily, Bea thought it was the funniest thing that happened the whole year.

Occasionally, I am able to recognize when I'm talking in my sleep. Once I realize what's going on I'll say, "Forget it, I'm talking in my sleep." The majority of the time I'm saying something illogical or some promise I can't keep. I suddenly become embarrassed and want to rectify the situation.

Naturally, I have done research on this and here are a few things I found interesting:

- Girls talk in their sleep more than boys

- Sleep talking runs in families (Dad has fallen asleep on the couch many times while I am around watching TV and he will mumble)

- About 4% of adults talk in their sleep

I also have incredibly vivid dreams. I can remember at least 2-3 dreams a night. With the large amount of severe sleeping disorders that exist I feel that I am incredibly lucky to have been burdened with occasional sleep talking and excessive dreaming. I used to keep a dream journal in high school. I'll have to search for it while at my parent's house for the holidays. I still write in journals almost every night because I find that it helps with my sleeping and releasing any stress I may have for the day. I recommend it to everyone I know who says they have trouble sleeping.

Okay, so now you all know my nighttime secret. You can make fun of me if you want. I've developed a thick skin. And then I'll just write bad things about you in my journal....

he was the popular boy, i was the girl that watched from afar

My first boyfriend was Brandon. I was ten and in the 5th grade. Brandon had golden blonde hair styled like Zach Morris circa 1990...

...and wore an Atlanta Braves windbreaker. He was the hunk of the school and all the girls wanted a chance to wear that jacket. My chance came in late-September of '94. We were both in Mrs. Miller's class and it was Movie Friday. Brandon and I were sitting next to each other and our classmate, Tiffany was to his right. Tiffany was a straight shooting, know-it-all whose blunt opinions defined her bullying technique. She drew a picture of Brandon and I on top of the Earth holding hands and she said that he and I should "go out." Me, being the epitome of awkwardness, turned bright red and said, "I will if he wants to." Then I used my attractive technique of pushing my glasses up from the tip of my nose by curling my upper lip in an "Elvis" fashion. Since NO ONE ever said "no" to Tiffany, Brandon agreed to be my beau. Back then this included picking me first for kickball teams, waiting for me by the water fountain while I used the lavatory, and letting me wear his Atlanta Braves jacket to let Challenger Elementary know who was his girl.

You all may be thinking, "Wow, Karen. That's a really specific story. You must have a super human strength memory!"

Well, THAT is true but I have another interesting tidbit for you. I found an old diary from my childhood that I am more than willing to share passages from. This is a real treat you guys. Enjoy.

--------------------

Sept. 17, 1994

Dear Diary,

Brandon picked me first in kickball today. I feel bad because I think Taylor likes him. And I don't want her to be mad at me for going out with Brandon. Maybe Taylor can go out with Dale so she can have someone to dance with at the dance tomorrow.

-----------------------

Sept. 19, 1994

Dear Diary,

I told Taylor it would be okay if she danced a song with Brandon. I got to dance with Brandon a lot. We got to dance that one Madonna song I really like. I hope Taylor is not mad at me for going out with Brandon. I will ask her at school.

------------------------

Sept. 21, 1994

Dear Diary,

Stupid Grandma called when Brandon was supposed to call and now I won't know if he called. I'll tell him tomorrow. Katie and I played with the kittens today. We made up a dance to Friend Like Me and are going to record it for Star Search.

------------------------

Sept. 22, 1994

Dear Diary,

Brandon said he didn't call so I guess it was ok that Grandma called. I was wearing Brandon's jacket in the hall and Jenna asked if we were going out. I think Brandon likes Jenna. I hate Jenna she is a snob. I hope Brandon doesn't like her.

-------------------------

Sept. 27, 1994

Dear Diary,

Brandon and I broke up today. He asked if I wanted to break up and I said sure. But that's okay because Jerry asked me out. I don't really like Jerry that much. He said he loves me. I will probably break up with him.

-------------------------

Wow. If dating now was only that easy.

you look....different today.

Guys. Can we please talk about AMC's newest series, The Walking Dead? There are three things that scare me.

1. Tornados

2. Clown dolls

3. A zombie apocalypse

The fast growing fad of zombies is excitedly overwhelming and it's nice to have all these movies/tv shows/comic-books/board games as "How To" guides if things should ever turn from being fictional.

We are only into the second episode of The Walking Dead and I'm already hooked. Having Andrew Lincoln play the heroic police officer, Rick Grimes doesn't hurt either....

There are only 6 episodes of this comic-book adaptation. Catch it while it's hot and fresh! If you are having a "Walking Dead" viewing party I'll certainly attend....I'll bring snacks.

Things I've Learned NOT To Do In The Event Of A Zombie Apocalypse But Seemed Like a Good Idea in 2003

1. Go to the closest Wal-Mart. Sure, the endless supply of food, DVD entertainment and amazing roll back prices sounds enticing but zombies APPARENTLY return to places they used to frequent while alive. Since Wal-Mart is always crowded, even at 2am with parents and their five screams toddlers, it's only a matter of time the place is flooded with flesh cravers.

2. Use a shot gun. Noise attracts zombies. Who knew? Use an ax.

3. Make friends with animal lovers. Ugh, they will find some abandoned dog on the street, name it and give it a say in any of the final decisions for survival. The dog will run away at some point because it was smart enough to sense danger and the animal lover will want to go after it resulting in your group being left behind when the rescue helicopter comes.

4. Don't fall in love with the jerk. I know they seem romantically dangerous and the rebel is always the most attractive in almost any kind of situation but he will risk your life over his and you'll regret having slept with him. Don't be an actual Slutty Zombie Apocalypse Victim. Save it for Halloween.

5. Live in New York City. Like any major city there are pros and cons. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, living in the tri-state area would be a major con. Massive population = massive zombies. I would be super sad to see my bodega guy turn into a zombie. But I know not to get sentimental. Zombie bodega guy would not give me a free coffee. He'd give me a free bite to the brain.

Well, that's all I have to share today kiddos. OH! Except that Conan premieres tonight! Finally, a natural order has been restored.

Here is a Cranberries megahit....